Time to turn and face the strange

I love the line, “Turn and face the strange” from David Bowie’s song, “Changes.” When I was young, I thought he was saying, “turn and break the chains” (which is also kind of apropos). Now there was a man who wasn’t a bit scared of change! What about me? Something new is coming my way and it’s more than just a change of costume. I’m both freaked out and excited.

I handed in my four-month notice of retirement on March 1st and it felt… weird. When I started my job as a labour advocate, I had no idea what my future looked like. I’d never committed to anything for very long. And now, here I am, twenty-four years later, once again stepping into the unknown. I’m struggling with negative thoughts: Does retirement mean I’m old? Will I achieve all my dreams? What if I can’t find the motivation to get out of bed in the morning?

Coincidentally, in the past month I was featured on my good friend Suzy Rosenstein’s podcast, Women in the Middle, to talk about the strategies I employ to get my writing done. We talked about the fear of embarking on something new and how I was going after my dream to be a published author. “There’s no downside to failing,” I said in the interview. Inspirational, right? Shouldn’t I listen to my own advice? I do. I will. But it’s not always easy; I still struggle. When I have this push and pull that goes on inside my head—“It’s going to be great, you’re so lucky!” vs. “You’re going to regret this, your life is going downhill from here!”—I try to figure out what’s going on with me.

I think it has a lot to do with identity. In my writing, I spend a lot of time thinking about how my identity has been shaped by step adoption and my family’s early history. But identity is affected by current events too, and retirement is a major life transition—one that, despite its long lead up, I feel somewhat taken surprise by. While I’m still sorting out the impact of discovering my origin story and writing my first chapter, I now am faced with a whole new challenge to my view of self: who am I if I am not that expert labour relations professional that I’ve shown to the world for nearly a quarter century? Can I remake myself, or is my self already inside, waiting to come out? I’m coming to understand that this identity formation stuff is an ongoing renegotiation with life.  

As a certified life coach, Suzy would tell me that I can work on my mindset so that it serves me better. I have the power to change my thoughts and so that’s what I resolve to do. How’s this for a positive thought: Soon I’m going to have all the time I need to finish my memoir and I can’t wait! I’m going to give myself a shake and make the most of this new chapter. Who knows, maybe it will be the best (or the strangest) one yet!

How have you handled change? Let me know in the comments below your best fear-conquering strategies!